She Walked Along the Castle Walls
by Mizz Blackshaw
Summary: WARNING: Suicide, probably sex/rape A walk in the walls of Jackson is the best way to let your mind wander, from great daydreams to horrible memories.


She Walked Along the Castle Walls

She walked along the castle walls with nothing but a stick and a wild imagination. She grazed the stick along the picket fence, listening to the rapid tapping against the wood. Each beat kept her focused on her daydreams. Each one being more elaborate than the last.

One of them she was in a restaurant. She got to eat anything she wanted, but she only chose the rabbit stew and a big hunk of deer meat. It was warm and savory, a little sweet. She sat at the booth as the waiter gave her another glass of water. The ice made it super cold, enough to make her shiver. So she asked for them to turn up the heat. It got really hot, like the whole restaurant was on fire. But then she saw the dead body on the floor next to her, chopped up. The head in tiny pieces.

 _Tap tap tap tap…_

She was flying on a Pegasus. She loved to see the scenery move so quickly around her. The sun was setting and the stars were popping from the sky like popcorn, one at a time. She felt the breeze against her shoulders. "Come on! Come sit next to me!"

 _Tap tap tap tap…_

She stopped when she saw the truck. The long bedded trunk was still adorned with the blanket and bottles. A haunting whisper drew her in. Even the smell was so familiar. She remembered how he touched her back and caressed her cheeks. It was enough to submit.

She opened the door on the passenger's side. "Where is it…?" She looked under the seat and in the glove compartment. Then she pulled out a raggedy long rope. "There we are. I found it!" She sang.

She stopped to look at the bed of the truck one more time. He was waiting there for her with two bottles, one in each hand. "Hey, there you are." He said with a smile on his face.

She took out the stick and started tapping against the wall. But the thought of him wouldn't leave.

 _Taptaptaptaptaptap!_

She came to a halt as her stomach bubbled. "Shh shh shh…" She said, rubbing it. "Shh shh shh…" But she ended up doubling over and vomiting, gripping at the fence for balance. When she came back up, she stepped around the mess and kept tapping the wood.

She let the rope travel behind her. She pretended it was a tail that could reach and grab the fruit from the trees. One was a huge red apple…

"It's about time you showed up."

"Shut up. I'm not that late. I had to lie to get here." She stepped into the bed of the truck, not accepting his helping hand. "Did you bring it?"

"I thought we agreed that you'd get it."

She pulled out the Walkman. "Here. It's broken."

He chuckled and pulled out the tape. "This all you got?"

She nodded. "That's it."

 _Tap…tap…tap…_

She stopped, looking around, not knowing where she ended up. There were tears in her eyes, blurring the happy town. The trees becoming smudges and blobs. She wondered if she should turn back, but back was where the truck was. She decided to keep walking, but her mind brought her back to him.

"Come here. Sit next to me." He patted the spot next to him.

She sat beside him, finding a place under his arm and on his chest. She was unsure of what she was doing, who she even was, especially with him. She took the beer from him and started drinking. The alcohol helped her relax into him. He started rubbing her shoulder.

"This is nice." He said, referring to the music.

"It is." She said, taking another gulp.

"Slow down on that. We have more."

"How much more?"

He took out a bottle half full of something brown. "I've been saving this for years." He swiveled the bottle around, not convincing her any further that it wasn't piss.

She looked at him in the eyes. His smile said she should feel safe, so she kept pretending that she was.

 _Tap…tap… WHACK!_

She broke the stick against the fence, cursing at it as if it did the wrong. As if it would erase everything. She fingered the gaps in the fence. As she walked, she poked each hole. Every now and again, she would look through to what was outside the "castle." It looked pretty in the fall, but the outside still had dangers. But when she looked back inside, she couldn't tell the difference.

He pulled her closer and kissed her lips. He laid her down gently, covering her completely. She felt his heartbeat on her chest. She told him she was scared, but he told her everything would be okay. "Don't worry. It won't hurt."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll take care of you."

"Promise?"

He booped her nose. "Promise."

"Okay." She let him in.

She stopped walking to sit by the closest tree. The thought of her biggest mistake made her dizzy. She took the rope and tried to hit the closest apple. "Almost got it…" She tossed it again. "Almost…" Again. "There." It wrapped around a branch. "Uh oh…" She tugged at it until it fell again.

She stopped to catch her breath, thinking of the last time she had fun. True fun. It was shooting at bottles with BB's. She wasn't alone either. A few of the kids saw her with it and were amazed that she was even allowed to keep it. For a moment, she was the coolest kid in the village. That was until he came around.

"Hey, girlie. Nice shot." It was his smile that peaked her curiosity.

"Don't call me girlie." She told him. "And that's nothing. I can shoot a moving target easy."

"That's cute. A girl with a gun." He moved closer. "Little girls shouldn't have guns. Now, all of you get before I tell all of your parents." All the kids scattered into different directions. He reached for the rifle, but she pulled it away. "Give it to me."

"It's not mine." She said. When he reached again, she pointed it at him. It was more out of habit.

"Whose is it?" He asked, half laughing.

"My dad's."

"He let you use it like that?"

She lowered it. "Not exactly."

He laughed again. "Okay, girlie…"

"Don't call me girlie." She told him again.

"Well, if I tell you my name, will you tell me yours?" He held out a hand.

"Okay." She grabbed it and shook it.

His name came as a response. It was so crisp and confident. The way his lips curled made small wrinkles around his cheeks and eyes.

She closed her eyes, trying to forget him. There was someone more important to her. But his face didn't come up. She just remembered his anger most of all. "How can you let this happen? Why did you see him at night when I told you not to?"

"I don't know. It just happened." She told him.

"That…doesn't just happen. What did you do?"

"Please don't make this a big deal…"

"It _is_ a big deal!" He yelled. "He took advantage of you!"

She looked down at herself. "I'm sorry."

"I'll kill him for doing this to you. I'll kill him!"

She watched him pace the floor for a while. "Can you just sit down? Can't we just talk about this first?"

"What's there to talk about? He…"

"I love him."

She looked at her stomach. It still gurgled and roared. She was hungry, but she didn't feel like moving. She looked at the apples on the trees and tried to whip them down again. "One…two…three…!" She tossed it. "Come on! Grab one!" She tossed it again. The rope went around the branch and got stuck again. Every time she reached, her shirt came up, exposing her belly. It was the same thing that got her into trouble.

"Are you gaining weight, kiddo?"

She pulled her shirt down so he wouldn't see. "I don't know… Maybe…"

He looked at her for a while. "How'd you sleep? You feelin' alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just…heard you in the bathroom this morning."

"It must've been something I ate. I don't know."

He kept staring. "Well, alright then…"

"What? What are you looking at?" She raised her voice.

His eyes widened. "You just haven't been…yourself lately."

She didn't know who she was or what she was supposed to be. She looked up at the rope that just dangled on the branch. "It's going to be okay…" She said. "It won't even hurt…"

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

She closed her eyes, trying not to remember the explosion of anger. It was the first out of many that she didn't want to think about. Nobody understood.

She pulled at the rope and wiggled it until it fell again. She began twisting and knotting it as the sun set. "No one would hurt us…" She sang as she tossed the rope over the branch again. "It won't even hurt."

"What do you mean you're pregnant? What am I supposed to do about it?"

"Help me. I don't know what to do…"

"I can't keep it."

"I thought you loved me."

"It was one night." It was one night in the eyes of a grown man. For a teenage girl, it was the start of something brilliant. A lifelong bond that could never break. But to him, it was just one night.

Her head fit perfectly into the loop. She tugged the rope above her, the weight pulling up from her neck. It was enough to make her cough. "Here we go. One…two…thr…" She gasped and held her stomach. "Ah… Ow…" She had one hand on the tree, the other around the baby. "It's okay. We'll be fine." Once the feeling stopped, she tried again. "One…two… Ow!"

This time, she collapsed to the ground. "What are you doing?" She asked as if it could answer. "You're hurting me." She steadied her breathing, rubbing her belly. "Shh…shh…shh… It'll all be over…" She felt the baby move again. It was a strange thump at her side. "Stop. We'll be fine."

She put her head into the loop again. "It's okay. No one wants you around, and if they don't want you, I don't want them. It's better this way." She blinked away the tears as she took a few deep breaths. "Okay… This won't hurt you. It might just hurt me…I think." She took another breath. "I love you."

"One…two…three!"

Her feet dangled about an inch from the ground. Her face turned pink. She tried grabbing at the loop. Dizzy and disoriented, she couldn't take it off. She heard a faint yell. Her eyes shut with the last few tears coming down.

She thought about the day he saved her. The day he chose to be her dad. She remembered the day they met, the day they chose each other. The day they pissed each other off. The day they betrayed each other.

"It's okay, baby girl." He held her close. "You didn't have to do this."

She opened her eyes to see him weeping over her. "Joel…"

"It's okay…" He said again, helping her up. "Let's get you home."

"I can't leave him…" She looked him in the eyes. "He has to come too."

He was quiet at first, but patience wasn't on his side. "No. No, he's not coming. I'd be caught dead if…!" He stopped. "You shouldn't even want him around."

"But he's mine." She rubbed her stomach. "You take us both or…" She took out her switchblade.

He let go. She had one hand over her baby and the other pointing at him. "Oh…"

"He's coming too." She said, voice cracking. "He's coming with me."

"Of course he is, baby girl." He slowly approached her as she lowered the knife. "It's okay."

She put it away. "Okay."

He squeezed her shoulder and kept her at his side as if to keep her safe from any harm. She settled into him, welcoming his warmth.

They were two warriors within the castle walls, who have slayed thousands, savior of many. They went home after a hard battle. The sun was going down and it was time to go back to their chamber.


End file.
